Patterns in all things...

Sunset coming home from Bagio

Our lives are unique. When the dust settles (literally) on what we call life we can look back and come to the knowledge that our shared experiences are only the two mentioned previously- birth and death. These are what I call the Thresholds of Life. Just like a door or a gate you can stand on one side and try to peer into the other side. It is my opinion that those who are more spiritual 'in-tune' have a better view as to what is on the other side.

Even though we are limited in our shared experience we can still learn from the experiences of those around us. Learning from others, applying that knowledge of trial and error, to our lives is one of my definitions of wisdom. How many of us, as we grew up, listened to our parents one hundred percent of the time? We had to learn on our own. Our parents could tell us fifty times that we would burn our hands if we touched the burners on the stove after food had been cooked on it. We didn't learn until we burned our hands. Trial and error...

Who can we turn to for that perfect example? There are those around us who we think are great or even perfect in some small area of their life. T, the tool man, has been our neighbor for fourteen years. His lawn is IMMACULATE!! If I want to have a perfect lawn he is my go-to guy. That is only one aspect of life though. Where do I turn for the other areas of my life which need improving?

It is natural for men and women to look around and find examples or mentors to learn from. I would like to share an experience from our life that shows that we can learn from others no matter what the subject or life challenge may be.

In the 1980s a young man, M, met a slightly older woman, S, and fell in love. It didn't bother him the least that she had an eleven year old daughter and a three year old son. Their marriage, like most marriages, had its ups and downs. It wasn't easy becoming an instant father to an almost teenage daughter and a young son but they were happy. His new daughter, as she grew, was rebellious. As a teenager she refused to listen and often wouldn't obey. She had to experience things on her own without the assistance of her parents. I am sure at some point, during arguments with her parents, that she played the "you're not my father" card. Eventually the teenager, still somewhat rebellious, grew up. She got married and had three children of her own.

During the early 90s mom developed cancer. It was a battle that required surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy. Eventually her cancer went into remission. A few years after her battle her rebellious daughter developed cancer- the same type as her mom's. By the time that the doctors diagnosed her they realized that they had caught it too late. It had spread and the prognosis for her was not good. It wasn't a question whether or not she would live- it was a question of how long would she live. She was 25 or 26 when they discovered her cancer.

Mothers, good mothers, know that by their example, by their sayings, and by their love they can influence their children and those around them. In most cases they teach their children how to live and hopefully how to live well. In rare cases does a mother teach their children how to die and how to die well. S, who had gone through everything to have her cancer go into remission, witnessed the diagnosis of a daughter who would not have the same outcome as what she originally had. Unfortunately for her, the cancer that was in remission came back and did so with a vengeance. The cancer that came back for S was much more aggressive then her daughter's. S knew that she was not going to win this battle. She did know that the example that she was setting might leave an impression with her daughter who would shortly cross that particular Threshold of Life herself. S died in 1999.

Grandma and Grandpa Mount with Grandkids (circa 1990)

As I write this I can't help in noticing the irony of S's life and that of her daughter's. S was a great seamstress. She made costumes for her children in plays, for Halloween, and for clothes to wear at any time. She used patterns to do so. As she approached her Threshold she created a pattern for her daughter to follow. During the year that followed S's death Marcia and I saw a change in her daughter. Even though she knew what her outcome would be she now had a pattern to follow- the pattern that her mom laid out for her. S's daughter crossed her own Threshold almost one year after her mom...

Next...the perfect example...


jsf